This past week has felt like a rollercoaster. I mean that both figuratively and, as it turns out, quite literally, as we found ourselves strapped into various contraptions at Thorpe Park on Friday. It was a week of dizzying highs and stomach-lurching drops, a week of challenges sought and challenges faced, both on the running trail and in the much more complex terrain of the human heart.
It all started with a visit to family in Essex for our niece’s birthday. My brother-in-law, knowing my love for running, casually mentioned that the local Hockley Woods parkrun was reputed to be the eighth hardest in the UK. The challenge was laid down, and I felt compelled to pick it up. The run was brutal, the hills were relentless, but I crossed the finish line in just over 31 minutes, breathless but happy. I had faced a physical fear—the fear of failure, of the pain—and come out the other side.
This act of willingly facing a challenge felt significant because, being brutally honest here, it’s been a hard month. I’ve been feeling decidedly flat. The joy has felt distant, my energy sapped, and a general feeling of dread has been a near-constant companion. The physical test of the parkrun was a welcome distraction, but it was also a foreshadowing of the real battle I was being called to fight.
When God Gives You More Than You Can Handle
I’ve mentioned in previous posts here on The Unfinished Walk that I carry the heavy burden of abandonment issues. It’s a deep-seated wound from my past that has, for years, influenced my reactions, my relationships, and my perception of the world. A few months ago, I felt the Lord whisper clearly to my spirit that it was time to finally deal with these issues. And let me be clear, this wasn’t an invitation I could politely accept or decline. It was a divine notification, and my honest reaction was gut-wrenching fear. I was actually very worried and didn’t want to deal with it, knowing the immense pain that bringing these old wounds to the surface always causes. But God’s message was unequivocal: “We ARE going to deal with this.” I had no idea at the time just what that process would truly entail.
Well, He’s certainly holding me to it. The fear of losing my family has been raging with an intensity that has shaken me to my core. As I’ve said before, I don’t believe the situation is anywhere near that critical point in reality, but my fear doesn’t listen to logic. This consuming anxiety has been sapping my soul, my strength, my personality, and my life. It’s a thief that has been stealing my joy and causing a strain that only perpetuates the cycle of fear.
There have been moments in the dead of night when I’ve cried out to God, feeling like this is all too much. It has felt like I am breaking under the weight of a burden He has asked me to carry. It has challenged my understanding of that well-known piece of scripture, making me question if He truly keeps his promise.
The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.
1 Corinthians 10:13 (NLT)
In my moments of doubt, this verse has felt like a distant comfort. I felt like I was at my breaking point, and the way out was shrouded in fog. I needed a word from Him, a sign that He was still with me in the thick of it. And, as always, He provided.
A Timely Word from a Mighty Hero
On Sunday, we visited Holy Trinity Church in Rayleigh, Essex. They were holding their monthly Cafe Worship, an all-family service that is always a bit chaotic but filled with a wonderful, vibrant sense of community. If you’re ever in the area, I highly recommend a visit.
Amidst the joyful noise of children and the smell of coffee, the talk began. It was on the story of Gideon, from Judges chapter 6. The speaker read through the passage, and one particular verse seemed to leap off the page and grab me by the heart.
The angel of the Lord appeared to him and said, “Mighty hero, the Lord is with you!”
Judges 6:12 (NLT)
This resonated with me profoundly, for two key reasons. Firstly, it brought to mind powerful visions I have experienced in the past during times of intense prayer. In these visions, I see myself on a spiritual battlefield, battered, bruised, and on the verge of total defeat. My armour is broken, my sword is lost, and I am moments from being overwhelmed. And in that moment of utter desperation, Jesus comes and stands beside me. He helps me to my feet, and together, we fight and win the battle. The angel’s greeting to Gideon felt like a personal reminder from God: “I see you as a warrior, even when you feel defeated.”
Secondly, the talk posed a question: in today’s world, who are our Midianites? In the story, Gideon was hiding from the Midianites in a winepress, trying to thresh wheat in secret, living in constant fear of his oppressors. The speaker suggested that for many of us, our Midianites are not external enemies. They are the internal issues we are hiding from. And in that moment, I knew with absolute certainty what my Midianite was. It was me. It was my refusal to fully engage with the healing God wants for me. The enemy was the unresolved fear of abandonment that was keeping me hiding in a winepress, preventing me from enjoying the abundant life He has for me.
The Slow Work of Surrender
So, what have I done about this revelation? You might think the answer should be a list of dramatic actions, but the truth is, not much. And yet, everything has changed. My response has not been one of frantic activity, but of quiet surrender. I have prayed. I have read a little scripture. But most importantly, I have made a conscious decision: I will not let this destroy me. I give it to God.
This week, whenever the anxious thoughts have started to creep in, whenever the fear has begun to rise, I have gone straight to Him in prayer. I haven’t waited. I haven’t let it fester. I’ve simply handed it over, again and again. And it has helped. The anxiety hasn’t vanished entirely, but it has subsided. It has not been crippling. It has not caused conflict. And that has allowed me to feel more at ease, to breathe a little deeper.
God never promises that life will be easy, but He does promise to be with us in it. He asks us to hand over our lives to Him so that He can do His good work in us. This process is often not one of comfort, but of refinement. It reminds me of the words of Jesus about pruning.
“I am the true grapevine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn’t produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more.”
John 15:1-2 (NLT)
Right now, God is certainly taking those sharp gardening shears to my life. It is a painful process, cutting away the diseased parts of my soul that are rooted in fear. But I know, with a certainty that goes beyond my feelings, that it is for my ultimate good. It is so I can live a life free of this fear and truly enjoy the incredible gifts He has already given me.
Facing Fears, Big and Small
And I guess that’s what this week has truly been about: facing your fears with God. Whether it’s the fear of a brutal parkrun, the fear of the UK’s tallest and fastest rollercoaster, or the deep, existential fear of being abandoned, the principle is the same. It requires a choice to step out and trust.
I wish God would just remove it. I wish He would click His fingers and the anxiety would be gone forever. But God is not a magic genie here to do my will. He is a loving Father who wants me to live a life abundant. A life of character, strength, and deep reliance on Him.
If He simply did everything for me, how would that help me grow? How often do our own kids ask for something, and we know that just giving it to them isn’t the best thing for them? If we can teach them to work for that new pair of shoes by doing chores, doesn’t the reward mean more? Don’t they grow in the process? And how much more will they love and respect us for helping them on their journey?
God’s process of walking with me through this fear is what will ultimately help me know who I really am: a mighty hero. It is what will forge in me a love, respect, and reliance on Him that I could never achieve on my own.
A Reflection for You
As I tie all these thoughts together, I want to reiterate that this is not a story with a neat and tidy ending. My fear has certainly eased this week, but it has not been eliminated. I am still on the path, still learning to trust, still on this unfinished walk. The encouragement for you and for me lies not in a magical cure, but in the profound truth that we have a loving Father who walks with us through the entire process, making us stronger and more like the heroes He calls us to be with every single step.
As you read this, perhaps my story resonates with your own. We all have our own “Midianites”—those fears or unresolved issues that we hide from in the winepress of our lives, hoping they won’t find us.
I invite you to consider a couple of things this week:
- What is the “Midianite” in your life that you’ve been hiding from? Is it a fear, a habit, a broken relationship?
- Are you asking God to be a magic genie and simply make it disappear, or are you willing to let Him be the loving Father who walks with you through the challenge, step by step?
- Where is God calling you to be a “mighty hero” this week, trusting in His promise that “the Lord is with you,” even when you feel battered and bruised?
Facing your fears with God isn’t about becoming fearless; it’s about fearing less because you know the One who walks beside you. And it is on that journey, on that unfinished walk, that He shapes us into who we were always meant to be.